Chris Loves Atreyu!

My first gay crush was Noah Hathaway,
as Atreyu in "The Neverending Story."

I was about 10 when it came out, and I loved that movie to death.

As one of those lonely kid readers, I could completely identify with Bastian and his wish to be someone like Atreyu.

It would be another 9 years before I really figured out I was gay.

But I watched that movie over and over. I even tried to grow my hair to look like him (bad idea) and imagined all kinds of adventures with him.


I don't think I ever told anyone about this crush, because I didn't really understand it back then. 

To this day, though, I still use the Auryn image from the movie as my avatar everywhere on the web. And I still have very fond memories of the movie.

Chris - Osaka, Japan
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Charlie Loves Chuck Connors!

I'd say my first gay crush was Chuck Connors.

He played the role of Lucas McCain on the 50's TV show, "The Rifleman."

Even his TV son, played by Johnny Crawford, gave me a little twinge.

Even now I still have a bit of a thing for cowboy fantasies. But did I let anyone know about my crush?

I don't think I would have had the words to explain it. Being gay in the 1950's was inconceivable.

Charlie - Washington, DC
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JD Loves "Marky Mark" Wahlberg!

I was 11, and my first gay crush
was "Marky Mark" Wahlberg.

Initially, I didn't like his cocky attitude in his "Good Vibrations" video.

But my hormones soon kicked in after a few months of being mesmerized by his sweaty moves in arty black and white.

And then?

I wanted him to push ME against a chain-link fence, like the lucky female model in the video.


Then his workout tape came out. But I didn't buy it until I was 15 or so, in the bargain bin at K-Mart. I remember being so nervous as I bought it, so my mom and sister wouldn't see. The cashier was almost laughing at my obvious nervousness.

I hid the video inside my coat to leave, and often hid the workout tape at home. I was never able to watch it for very long, thanks to my hormones. And sure enough, I got forgetful once and left the tape in the living room as my family was spring cleaning.

I was clearly embarrassed as my nosy sister asked why I had the tape. And, why I didn't seem as fit as Marky or his workout buddies in the tape.

I attempted to actually use the workout tape for its intended purpose. But again, I could rarely make it past the first few minutes. Which is when they show Marky waking up in bed, in nothing but his Calvin's.

JD - Augusta, GA
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Geoff Loves Vic Morrow!

My first gay crush was Vic Morrow, on the
60's TV show "Combat."

I was probably 8 or 9.

He was a handsome tough guy, with a sensitive side. He was a soldier who hated war. And I was fiercely attracted to him.

We used to play "Combat" in the neighborhood, and
I imagined myself as Vic: strong, wise and gentle.
All traits I find admirable in people today.

Geoff - Philadelphia, PA
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Victor Loves Robert Conrad!

My first gay crush was
actor Robert Conrad.

I've known I liked boys since I was 4. But by the time puberty hit at age 11? I knew I liked men!

I had boy crushes, but my biggest thrill was Friday nights, watching the hot man who wore THE tightest pants in TV history:

Mr. Robert Conrad on
"The Wild Wild West."

He played a daredevil Secret Service agent named James T. West on the campy show. His character was a "real man" who did a lot of acrobatic stunts, often took his shirt off, and got tied up a lot.

Whoah! I didn't know anything about camp, let alone bondage and discipline. But I know I sure liked to see him tied up and shirtless.

My taste in men has changed over the years, but you never forget your first - with tight pants, sexy furry chest, and a glint in his blue eyes,

I realized way back in '65 you really can't separate the men from the boys -- except for maybe with a crowbar.


Victor - New York, NY
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Philip Loves Richard Thomas!

My first gay crush was Richard Thomas
on TV's "The Waltons."

The earnestness. The naivete. The overalls (occasionally with no shirt). And that mole.

I loved John Boy more than air and rice pudding put together. I had all things Waltons, even the lunch box. Which I carried until the lid rusted shut.

Then, lovingly stashed in the bottom of the closet - with the rest of me.
My fundamentalist family thought I had such fine family values, bonding with such a saccharine TV drama. But it was never about the morality tales, the life lessons, or the tender good nights.

No, this was all about wanting to shag John Boy.

In the barn, his attic bedroom, or in the rumble seat of the old Ford.

I dreamed he would write me terribly poignant love messages in pencil, on his goldenrod tablet.

Or type them on the old Remington.

I loved him, but also wanted to be him. I loved to write, and the 1930's felt like my era from another incarnation. He was respected by his parents, but they never really understood his tenderness.
Like John Boy, I lusted for fancy book learning. 
But of course, my true lust was really for him!

I fantasized about us going down to the old swimming hole, dropping our mended dungarees, and diving in. 

We would get drunk on moonshine whiskey, then commit carnal acts heretofore unknown on Walton's mountain.

Goodnight, John Boy. I love you.

Philip - Lima, OH
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Gary Loves Robert Reed!

My first gay crush was Robert Reed as
Mike Brady, the dad on "The Brady Bunch."

I remember him like it was yesterday, but it was way back in the 70's. I was around 8, and I don't know why, but I was obsessed with him. And I kept this crush very secret.

Although, one time on a family road trip, I was sleeping in the back of the car, and I woke up -
saying his name aloud.

That freaked me out!

My parents and brothers never said anything to about it. I still don't know if they heard me or not.

Gary - San Diego, CA
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Scott Loves Mackenzie Astin!

My first gay crush was Mackenzie Astin.

He played Andy on "The Facts of Life" in the 80's.

He was around 14, and I was 10, so he was like the sexy older man to me.

I thought he was perfect, with his blonde hair and cute puppy-dog eyes.


I don't remember the show much, but for a long time I said it was my favorite, because of Mackenzie.

I told everyone he was my favorite actor. But secretly, I just wanted to kiss him.

I saw him recently and he's gotten even better looking with age.

Scott - Seattle, WA
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