Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Dane Loves Scott Baio!

My first gay crush was Scott Baio!

Back in the 8th grade, "Happy Days" was the only good thing on TV. 

Then they introduced Fonzie’s younger cousin Chachi. And I was way gay for him, and his adorable, almond eyes. 

My hair back then was just like his, so I started wearing an army shirt. I wanted to make myself a muscle shirt too, but my mom refused to let me cut the sleeves off.  

When Erin Moran dated Chachi I almost died. 

I hated freckle-faced Joanie! 

Of course, my crush on Chachi was a shameful secret, because I would have been pounded. Nobody in my school at that time admitted to being gay. But since I could draw, in the privacy of my bedroom, I rendered Chachi naked. Then I drew a black swimsuit over him to cover his naughty bits.


My brother found the drawings and wrote:
“Who is this fag?!” So much for likenesses!


Next, I tried stealing glances at his picture in an issue of Teen Beat, and I was busted ogling his naked torso by the guys working at 7-11. 

They laughed their asses off, and I was beyond humiliated!

Then I heard Scott would be signing autographs at the Auto Show. I didn’t have the guts to go, but my friend Julianne did. And he said to her, quote: “Hi. How’s it going?” Ohhh! 
I would have melted in a pool on the floor along with all the other 13-year old girls! 

Except for the fact that I was a boy.

And yup, I would have been pounded! 


Dane - Brooklyn, NY ________________________________________

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