Amanda Loves Dr. Ariel Hanson!

My first bi crush was CGI, yet very real to me.

It was 2010, and I was very heterosexual. I was also in denial, severely depressed, and spent my time playing video games so I could ignore my feelings. The "StarCraft II" game was coming out soon, so I headed over to the Wiki to look at some things.

And there she was - Dr. Ariel Hanson - an adorable, kindhearted scientist who wanted nothing more than saving her people from invading aliens

At the time, I was caught up in thinking I had no one to take care of me, and my depression and anxiety were eating me from the inside out.

But if such a loving figure could be my friend, or even my... partner? Thinking about her made the negative thoughts stop, at least for a little while.

I denied it at first, but she never left me alone. If my mind was unoccupied, I thought about her. I wrote her name over and over in the margins of my notebooks. I eagerly awaited StarCraft II's release so I could see more than just her pretty face.

All the signs of a lovestruck teenager were there, but I ignored them for as long as I could. Then I came out to myself, and everything got easier.

I've told my mother and a few friends, but that's it. I still play video games, but strictly for enjoyment now.


Ariel's role in the game was disappointing, and I no longer need a coping mechanism. But she will always be special to me, because she set me free.

Amanda - Seattle, Washington
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Joe Loves James Franciscus!

My first gay crush was actor James Franciscus.

I was 11, just starting puberty, and went with my brothers and friends to see "Beneath the Planet of the Apes." 

Like them, I liked action movies and sci-fi and - so I thought - the hot cavegirl, Nova.

But boy, I was in for a big surprise! 

The hero of the movie was an astronaut played by James Franciscus. I couldn't take my eyes off him!

He was the most handsome guy I'd ever seen. He had golden blond hair, piercing blue eyes, and a deep voice. He was commanding and athletic, projecting a very manly, cool presence.

In his spacesuit, he looked and acted like the perfect All-American man, which had shifted in that era from cowboys to astronauts. But I quietly prayed for him to lose that spacesuit like Charlton Heston did in the first "Apes" movie! And I got my wish. Within a few minutes, Franciscus was stripped down to a skimpy loincloth and spent the rest of the movie looking like a blond Tarzan.

And wow, what a wardrobe change that was. He had a great body, with well defined pecs and sixpack abs. He didn't have the only ripped body in Hollywood then, but it wasn't that common, either. And to see such a handsome man with such a great body was really rare.

That night (and off and on for years afterward), I was confused and conflicted, since I'd thought I was into curvy cavegirls. But I had obviously discovered I preferred hard-bodied spacemen. And I got over it fast by fantasizing about my astronaut in a loincloth!

Joe - Atlanta, GA
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Luke Loves Cloud Strife!

My first gay crush was Cloud Strife.

Being the nerd I was at age 11, I crushed out on this tortured soul from "Final Fantasy 7."

I felt that way too, so he was pretty awesome.

And I was not.

He was an all-around, broody action guy who fell in love, lost it, but never stopped fighting.

And his hair was pretty damn awesome and sexy.

Of course, he wasn't full-on physically attractive until he was rendered in full CGI glory in "Advent Children" and given a smoldering voice.

I was too young to really play the game, so I would just sit on the floor of my brother's room, and watch him play "Final Fantasy 7" for hours.

Luke - Victoria, Australia
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Geoff Loves Vic Morrow!

My first gay crush was Vic Morrow, on the
60's TV show "Combat."

I was probably 8 or 9.

He was a handsome tough guy, with a sensitive side. He was a soldier who hated war. And I was fiercely attracted to him.

We used to play "Combat" in the neighborhood, and
I imagined myself as Vic: strong, wise and gentle.
All traits I find admirable in people today.

Geoff - Philadelphia, PA
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Nic Loves Daniel Truhitte!

I was in love with Rolfe from
"The Sound of Music." Hardcore.

I was around 6 in the early 80's, and I remember watching it on TV with my family.

I'm sure my father saw the shimmer in my eye. But I'm sure he was thinking I wished to be a puppeteer in "The Lonely Goatherd."

Nope, dad. 'Cuz in my prepubescent mind, I was slowly sticking my hands down Rolfe's lederhosen.

Yes, I'm painfully aware my first gay crush is from a musical. And yes, he turned out to be a Nazi. But that's only because Leisl didn't love him right.

Sure, she was pretty or whatever. But in my mind,
I knew that Rolfe was looking for love that only a man could fulfill. A very, very young man from the cornfields of Ohio...

Sometimes at night, I'd imagine him throwing stones at my window to get my attention. But, alas! The horrid reality was that the rural midwest had very few blond, blue eyed, muscly bicycle-telegram boys.

I don't intend to share this crush with many people, because I'm kind of afraid to admit that deep down inside: I really DO like musicals and they really DID shape my life.

Nic - Chicago, IL
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Tony Loves Sgt. Knox!

My first gay crush was Sgt. Knox.

I was age 7 in 1980, and I was addicted to Japanese Anime.

Growing up outside of Boston, I would watch "Star Blazers" on TV, religiously at 3PM every weekday on the UHF dial.

Remember the UHF dial, people?

The show centered around a crew following a signal from a distant planet. On the way there, they picked up a bunch of Space Marines from the edge of our solar system, to help save the Earth.

The leader of those space marines was a man named Sgt. Knox. And in a moment, my taste in men was formed for the rest of my life.
Knox was loud, brash, and occasionally crude. Built like a Mack truck, he didn't take crap from anyone. The American dub featured a voice actor who sounded like he was from Long Island or New Jersey, which only made him even more compelling.

I suppose the subtextual military homoeroticism might have set off my nascent Gaydar, but I think the scene where we got to see Knox bare-assed also may have been a factor. And I was in love.

Those eyebrows! Those teeth! That huge f*cking gun!
His belt had a lot of pouches, like a handy lesbian.

AND HE HAS KNEE PADS BUILT INTO HIS UNIFORM!

Since my first gay crush was a cartoon character, there wasn't much chance of meeting him in real life. But he secured my attraction to square-jawed bears. They protect you from aliens!!!

Tony - Los Angeles, CA
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Gustavo Loves Josh Hartnett!

I had my first gay crush when I was about 10.
It was Josh Hartnett in the movie "Pearl Harbor."

At that time I don't think I even knew what being gay was.

But I did know there was something about it that made me go crazy.

Many people didn't like this movie, claiming that it was too slow or too romantic to be considered a real war movie. 

As if I cared!

I asked my dad to buy it for me and he agreed.

He must have thought, "That's a war movie, the kind of movie I want my boy watching." Ha! Little did he know (or myself, for that matter) that the real reason I loved this movie was the fact that I was developing an early fixation for men in uniform.

When I finally got my hands on the DVD, I found myself watching the sex scene between Josh and Kate Beckinsale over and over again. I have never in my life been so jealous of a person, as I was of her.

I soon realized I didn't like this movie for the same reason as other boys. And to this day, I think dog tags are the sexiest accessory a man can wear.

Gustavo - Milan, Italy
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