Jude Loves Doctor Who!

My first gay crush was a TV character.

The Doctor is a time travelling alien/physician from the planet Gallifrey, who took human companions on great adventures. When I was around age 11, Doctor Who and the TARDIS materialized into my world, and I became obsessed with him and his magical blue box.

His character has currently been played by 11 actors, with Matt Smith as the latest incarnation. So over time, I fell in love with a character who is more than just one dimensional.

What makes the Doctor wonderful is that he makes you realize you are smart, clever, and brilliant. And my crush came at a time in my young life when I didn't see any role models that I identified with as a young man. 

He took companions in hand and introduced them to everything the universe has to offer - joys, wonders and horrors! And as Craig Ferguson sings: "Intellectualism and romance conquer over brute force and cynicism..."

Jude - Boulder, Colorado

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Akin Loves Eddie Cibrian!

My first gay crush was the very hot Eddie Cibrian!

I was 8 years old when I first saw him, as "Rock" from the film "But I'm A Cheerleader," which also featured RuPaul.

Although the film came out in 1999, I didn't see it until 2003.

And I swear I watched it at least twice a day, every day, for 2 and a half months!

And I specifically anticipated seeing him in the football scene. That's where "Rock" seduces some of the boys at the "True Directions" homosexuality rehab camp, by stroking a rather phallic rake and wearing a sweaty wife-beater tank-top and very tight denim shorts.


And I have never looked at my gardener quite the same since then. Coincidentally, two years ago I dated a boy for a few months who was called Eddie Serbian, and he worked alongside his father as a gardener/pool boy.

I asked my parents to hire them - which was before I came out and revealed that we were dating!

Akin - Bath, Somerset, England
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Dee Loves Jodie Foster!

My first gay girl crush was Jodie Foster!

I loved watching all those movies from the 70's and 80's, many of which featured Jodie Foster or Kristy McNichol.

I liked the fact that they weren't "girlie girls" even though I was at times.

I can't tell you how confused I was then, knowing that they were girls, but that I loved them so much!

It was kind of hard being a black girl and explaining that to oneself. I actually get breathless sometimes now, just thinking back about it.

I never told anyone about my crushes. If my family noticed, they haven't said anything to me about it.
I also loved Wonder Woman, but that's another story.

I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality.
But Jodie and Kristy still get me hot.

Dee - Savannah, Georgie
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Robert Loves Christopher Atkins!

I had my first two gay crushes simultaneously.

I was 8 years old in 1983, and I knew before this time that I liked boys. But when I saw Christopher Atkins in a sexy movie trailer for "A Night In Heaven," I knew this crush wasn't merely an innocent fling.

I clipped the ad out of our newspaper, and kept it hidden under my bed.

I then went outside my house to see if any neighbors had newspapers waiting for the garbageman to pick up. If so, I confiscated them to look for more ads with "A Night In Heaven," to clip and build my collection.

Then I saw an actual article for the movie with a picture of Christopher and co-star Lesley Anne Warren. He was barechested and I got so excited seeing this!

I was afraid of being caught with such hot material, so I didn't keep it. Such a pity!

Aside from Christopher, the other actor who excited me was the blond, hunky, and handsome Ted McGinley. At the time, he was starring on "Happy Days" and I watched the show each week just to catch him.

I think Ted has aged very well now, but I haven't seen a recent photo of Christopher in quite some time. But ever since 1983, all those blond and light-haired men have always rocked my world!

Robert - New Jersey
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Scott Loves Dennis Cole!

My first gay crush was 70's TV actor Dennis Cole.

I had lots of crushes back then. I thought Bobby Sherman, Chad Everett, and Lyle Waggoner were awesome. I could go on and on.

But my biggest crush was on Dennis Cole.

I first saw him on the short lived TV show "Bracken's World."

And OMG!
I thought he was THE best looking man alive!

My mom bought me all the teen magazines that had his photos. I remember one feature in particular that showed him getting ready for a date, with a shirtless picture of him in the shower!

I would decoupage his photos on painted wood and stay up all night making Dennis bulletin boards.

Then he did a spread in Playgirl Magazine, and of course I had to have it! This featured another shower picture - and it showed his bare behind! I've since learned that he did a lot of beefcake and nude photography work early in his career.

When he passed away in 2009, all the childhood memories flooded back. Sure, being gay back then wasn't always easy. But there is so much of it that makes me smile. And I certainly wouldn't change anything about my growing up experiences, including my first gay crush.

Scott - Wisconsin
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Bill Loves David Stollery!

My first gay crush was actor David Stollery.

"Spin and Marty" was an inclusion in the "Mickey Mouse Club" around 1955.

The setting was 
a perfect fantasy: A summer camp and a dude ranch with horses.

My crush was on Marty, the blond, boyish, effeminate outcast.

Spin was very masculine, from a poor urban family, who "spins" the lasso well. Marty was basically the femme to Spin's butch, the sissy spoiled rich kid. Gradually, Marty learns to become "one of the guys."

Other guys I've talked to mostly liked the more manly Marty. So this one is still a little embarrassing among my bear friends. 

David Stollery played several Disney roles, then went to art school and designed cars, including the 1978 Toyota Celica.

Everything was basically a secret in my family, including this crush of mine, so keeping this a secret was no problem.

I liked several other boyish, 1950's TV guys, including Dean Jones in "Ensign O'Toole" and Jackie Cooper in "The People’s Choice." 

Bill - Eagle Rock, LA CA
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Jeanie Loves Claire Danes!

Actress Claire Danes was my first gay crush.

Watching "My So Called Life" at age 13 in the early 90's, I thought I wanted to be Claire's character, Angela Chase.

It was that age-old lesbian conundrum:

Do I want to be her or
do I want to date her?

She was deep, she was alternative, she was cool, and she wore flannel.

I wanted it all - except NOT Jordan Catalano. I hated that she liked Jordan, then it dawned on me that I was just jealous. That's when I first thought I might be gay (and perhaps a little too into the show).


Also, Angela Chase was solely responsible for my horrible flannel phase in my early teens. Hey, it was the 90's, so give me a break.

I never told anyone about my crush, until recently. 

I find myself still having a thing for alternative girls, which I will always attribute to Claire Danes.

Jeanie - Louisville, KY
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Frederic Loves Johnny Crawford!

I had my first gay crush on actor Johnny Crawford.

I grew up in Iowa, and when I was around 10-years old, my crush was on his character, Mark McCain. And I loved him so much!

Whenever he cried on the "The Rifleman," I just wanted to hug him and kiss him all over.

I loved his pouty mouth, and that sexy, hurt crack in his voice.

This crush on Johnny was part of my secret life, so no one ever knew I loved him until years later when I told gay friends. It turns out, lots of other gay boys loved Mark McCain, too. But I didn't know that at the time.

Besides, back then - Mark was mine alone!

Thanks. Nice website!
Frederic - Phoenix, AZ
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Ryan Loves Ryan Lambert!

My first gay crush was singer/actor Ryan Lambert.

As a kid in a small town in N. Carolina, music was my outlet. It was the 1980's, and pop music was totally AWESOME! I compulsively listened to pop radio, and I would just dance and dance.

"Kids Incorporated" was my favorite TV show on Sundays, and Ryan Lambert was just so adorable! He played guitar and had really great hair!

He was just rocker enough to be compelling - but wasn't threatening to a boy who practiced dance routines to Madonna, Stacey Q, and Debbie Gibson in his room.


I liked his voice and I imagined he was my dreamy boyfriend, so I could dance and play tambourine with him on stage. The intersection of sex, art, and music began for me with the very cute Mr. Ryan Lambert.

Ryan - N. Carolina
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Justin Loves Austin St. John!

My first gay crush was actor Austin St. John.

I was 6 in 1993 when "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers" first aired, and every Saturday morning I would plop down in front of the TV to watch it.

The original leader was the Red Ranger named Jason Lee Scott (played by Austin St. John).

Jason had defined muscles, a deep timbre to his voice, and he was strong and great at martial arts. Although I didn't know it at the time, I would say that he represented a perfect masculinity to me.

Though I didn't have any tangible sexual attraction to men or women, I was drawn to Jason. While all of my male friends talked about how pretty Kimberly the Pink Ranger was, I would just stare at Jason's arms and face while giving non-commital answers to the others.

We would get together in my backyard and pretend to be Power Rangers. I refused to be the Red Ranger and always played Billy (Blue Ranger), because I identified more as a geek. Plus, I couldn't pretend to be the person that I loved; that would have been too weird.

Austin St. John left the series in season two, and my heart broke. And I nearly fell off of the couch when I saw him return in 1996. By that point, I knew for sure that I was different than the other boys in school, but I rationalized my crush as, 'Oh, you just want to grow up to look like him.'

After all of these years, I still occasionally have dreams about being with him. In them, I'm jogging and I get attacked, and Jason comes and saves me in his red uniform. After saving me, he removes the uniform, and well - I'm sure you can imagine the rest...

Justin - Ohio
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Frank Loves Richard Crenna!

My very first gay crush was actor Richard Crenna.

I first saw him at age 6.
He was playing Luke McCoy on TV's "The Real McCoys."

I thought actress Kathleen Nolan (Hassie McCoy) was the luckiest person in the world, to have a husband as handsome as Luke.

Eagerly waiting for each weekly episode, I also began to notice Pat Boone on his show that aired just before.

I found only one other (boy) friend who also shared my interest in Crenna and Boone, and we spent hours each week with our (girl) friends, excitingly comparing their contrasting handsomeness.

Frank - Fall River, MA
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John Loves Vince Van Patten!

My first gay crush was actor Vince Van Patten!

I had a habit of staring at my sister's Bobby Sherman poster, sneaking her Tiger Beat magazines into my room, and being very into Lance Kerwin from TV's "James At 15."

But my first, real, "OMG!" gay crush was at age 9 in 1975, and saw Vince Van Patten on the TV show, "Apple's Way."

He started my infatuations with blond, surfer types. As a skinny kid with boring brown hair, it was a type I wanted, and wanted to be.

In addition to acting, Vince played tennis, and seeing him in those tight, 1970's tennis shorts made me feel all funny inside.

John - Portland, OR
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Hilary Loves Lucy Lawless!

Lucy Lawless as "Xena: Warrior Princess"
was my first gay crush.

Actually, it was Lucy and Renée O'Connor as "Gabrielle" who were my first lesbian crushes.

I was 9, and still absolutely clueless about my own sexuality, but from the time I found the show in 1997, I never missed an episode.

Xena was who I idolized and wanted to be, and Gabrielle was the woman I wanted at my side.

I don't think I ever actually admitted my crush to anyone, and no one ever questioned it. Probably because I also watched shows like "Hercules,""The Adventures of Sinbad," and "Beast Master." But anyone who watched those shows knows they were loaded with more hot babes than any show with female protagonists.

Back then, I thought Xena and Gabrielle were more than friends, but I was so naive that I didn't even know women could be together that way. So they remained best friends in my mind, due to my limited knowledge.

Looking back, I can't help but wonder - even at such a young age - if I was picking up on the lesbian subtext.

Hilary - Saskatchewan, Canada
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Jason Loves William Gray Espy!

My first gay crush was on actor William Gray Espy.

It was 1979, and he was on the "Another World" soap opera.

He was brought on as the bad guy in a plot to kill the show's star, Mac Cory.

He was tall, dark, handsome and lanky.

He had a low, deep voice and great dark hair. And I was fascinated by him.

To make a long story short, the story climaxed in St. Croix, where he spent two weeks with a swimsuit on. He was thought to be killed, and I was really concerned that his character might be killed off. He wasn't, of course, and was later redeemed.

He came back to the show in the 80's, as hot as ever. To this day, I want to find him and get him for myself!

Jason - Las Vegas, NV
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Cornelius Loves Robert Conrad!

My first gay crush was Robert Conrad, and the creative team behind the gayest show ever - "The Wild Wild West"

Every episode had the same formula:
a crazed super villain's plot was foiled by the studly Robert Conrad.

And also there is his 'friend' Artemis Gorden, a drag queen – oops, they called it 'master of disguise' in those days.


From the opening credits (where he punches a woman in the face, knocking her down), you knew this was a man's world. A world where a hard man would fight hard - with the camera on his skin-tight pants and perfect ass, please.

Once he lost the initial battle and was captured, the real fun began. Each week they found new ways to tie him up, usually shirtless, always tortured, while the sweat dripped down his face and chest so that the camera could end up back at his ass.

I know it sounds unbelievable, but I swear I remember one episode where an evil toymaker held him prisoner in a top secret toy bomb factory. The set included a few over-sized children's blocks in the background. There was something about that pre-Stonewall era that allowed the letters F, A, and G on the face of those blocks with no complaint – or awareness.

Cornelius - Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
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Frank Loves Gardner McKay!

My first gay crush was actor Gardner McKay.

He played Adam Troy in TV's "Adventures in Paradise."

I had many TV crushes in the early 60's, but I thought that sailing barefooted around the South Pacific - in a Schooner with Adam Troy - would be the most wonderful thing to do.

The show was on at 9pm, which was my bedtime.

Mom and dad would sometimes fall asleep while watching TV and not notice that I was still up and quietly watching "Adventures in Paradise".

Gardner as Adam was always so independent, in-charge, smart, and so butch. Although he had many chances,
he never got the girl, at least not permanently.

I recently purchased the series on DVD and the shows are really quite boring by today's standards. I also learned via the internet that, sadly, McKay died at the age of 69 of prostate cancer.

No one knew of my crush until I became an adult, and conversation among friends turned to such topics.

Frank - Bristol, CT
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Brittany Loves Queen Beryl!

I was about 4 or 5 when I had my first gay crush.

It was in the mid 90's when "Sailor Moon" captivated a whole generation of little boys - and girls!

However, I was much more attracted to the red-haired, busty villainess Queen Beryl. I remember clearly being entranced by her. And the doll I had of her was absolutely my favorite toy back then.

Heck, I'm pretty sure that she ended up cultivating a lot of my tastes. I'd still probably date her today if she was a real woman.

Today, I've got one foot in the pansexual closet and one foot out. But suffice to say that if anyone asked me for the first time I really knew I was gay, I'd point to Queen Beryl as my catalyst.

Brittany - Alberta, Canada
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Jay Loves Ricky Schroder!

My first gay crush was Ricky Schroder!

Watching him on "Silver Spoons", and seeing him in Tiger Beat and other teen magazines, I formed a huge crush on him, along with a million other tweens.

In the 5th grade, my teacher gave us something fun to do, which was writing an essay on your favorite idol from sports, to singers, to everyday people.

I wrote two essays about Ricky:

One was for school, and the other saying how I REALLY felt about him. The teacher had the class read our essays aloud as we cheered each other on. My turn came and my teacher read aloud, "He's so cute. I want to hug and kiss him..." Yup, I'd submitted the wrong essay!

For a short while, I was known as Mrs. Schroeder to friends and they'd laugh and giggle. My teacher, Mrs. Ashley, pulled me aside and said my essay was well written with expression and devotion, and she enjoyed having me in her class.

This crush was completely taboo to speak of at the dinner table, as far as I was concerned. But it was obvious to my family because of the Teen Beat posters taped to my walls, next to my Culture Club posters.

Jay - San Francisco, CA
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Hillary Loves Melissa Joan Hart!

My first gay crush was Melissa Joan Hart. Or actually her character Clarissa, from the excellent Nickelodeon show, "Clarissa Explains It All."

It was the mid 90's, and I was about 12-years old. At the time, I just thought I wanted to be her.

Melissa was so beautiful, and always dressed so cool! And she was just so awesome and rebellious.

She had a pet alligator named Elvis, for crying out loud! How was I supposed to resist her charms?

As I got older and realized more about myself, I knew I didn't just want to be Clarissa, I wanted to be WITH her! It was quite a moment of self discovery to admit that yes - my devotion to Ms. Hart's little TV show was mostly because I wanted her to be my girlfriend.


It was no secret I was her fan, but I don't think anyone suspected the underlying crush. My mom indulged my fascination though, and allowed me to sport many now-ridiculous Clarissa-inspired outfits and hairdos.

Thanks, mom!

Hillary - Washington, DC
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Matthew Loves Dan Haggerty!

My first gay crush was Dan Haggerty!

It was the late 70's in Madison, Wisconsin and I was 7-years old. On the weekend, I would patiently endure an hour of "The Lawrence Welk Show" in order to not miss a moment of "The Life and Times of Grizzly Adams," which came on afterwards.

I was totally infatuated with this big bear of a man, with the soft spoken voice and the big furry beard.

I loved his pet bear named Ben. He was a friend to all animals. I'm 40-years old now, and I still have a "thing" for men with full bushy beards.

Matthew - Portland, OR
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