Thursday, May 31, 2012

Amanda Loves Dr. Ariel Hanson!

My first bi crush was CGI, yet very real to me.

It was 2010, and I was very heterosexual. I was also in denial, severely depressed, and spent my time playing video games so I could ignore my feelings. The "StarCraft II" game was coming out soon, so I headed over to the Wiki to look at some things.

And there she was - Dr. Ariel Hanson - an adorable, kindhearted scientist who wanted nothing more than saving her people from invading aliens

At the time, I was caught up in thinking I had no one to take care of me, and my depression and anxiety were eating me from the inside out.

But if such a loving figure could be my friend, or even my... partner? Thinking about her made the negative thoughts stop, at least for a little while.

I denied it at first, but she never left me alone. If my mind was unoccupied, I thought about her. I wrote her name over and over in the margins of my notebooks. I eagerly awaited StarCraft II's release so I could see more than just her pretty face.

All the signs of a lovestruck teenager were there, but I ignored them for as long as I could. Then I came out to myself, and everything got easier.

I've told my mother and a few friends, but that's it. I still play video games, but strictly for enjoyment now.

Ariel's role in the game was disappointing, and I no longer need a coping mechanism. But she will always be special to me, because she set me free.

Amanda - Seattle, Washington


Click here: "Born This Way: Real Stories of Growing Up Gay" book
Inspired by the "Born This Way Blog" -

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