Jude Loves Doctor Who!

My first gay crush was a TV character.

The Doctor is a time travelling alien/physician from the planet Gallifrey, who took human companions on great adventures. When I was around age 11, Doctor Who and the TARDIS materialized into my world, and I became obsessed with him and his magical blue box.

His character has currently been played by 11 actors, with Matt Smith as the latest incarnation. So over time, I fell in love with a character who is more than just one dimensional.

What makes the Doctor wonderful is that he makes you realize you are smart, clever, and brilliant. And my crush came at a time in my young life when I didn't see any role models that I identified with as a young man. 

He took companions in hand and introduced them to everything the universe has to offer - joys, wonders and horrors! And as Craig Ferguson sings: "Intellectualism and romance conquer over brute force and cynicism..."

Jude - Boulder, Colorado

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Steve Loves Mark Lester!

My first gay crush was UK actor Mark Lester. 

The year was 1969. I was 9, and he was 10. And he was SO cute, with an adorable singing voice.

I wanted to be his friend the moment I saw him.

Sitting in a darkened movie theater watching the movie "Oliver" with my entire 5th grade class, I was smitten with him.

This was long before any awareness of sex, but I was definitely aware of my attraction to Mark.

I wanted to live with him and the Artful Dodger 
(Jack Wild) and all of Fagin's boys. I wanted to share a bunk and swap shirts with him. And pick pockets with him, just like all the other scruffy kids in the gang.


Afterwards, my friends giggled about seeing "Nancy’s boobies" in her low-cut wench dress. 
I was mystified. Nancy? Who was watching Nancy? Certainly not me!

Long before I knew I was gay, I had a fondness for blondes, and Mark Lester was my first.

Steve - Austin, Texas
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Dennis Loves Ike Eisenmann!

My first gay crush was on Ike Eisenmann.

I was 6 years old in 1975, and Ike as Tony in "Escape To Witch Mountain" was positively dreamy to me! I remember feeling incredibly warm whenever he would talk or use his powers to jump really high. He could just nod his head, and I got a tingly feeling all over my body.

My first thought was, "Wow, how awesome would it be to hang out with Tony?" Which led to thinking, "Tony and I could find the magic spaceship, and go flying around the galaxy having all kinds of outer-space adventures!"

This soon led to, "We can live together in outer space on the magical spaceship with nobody else but the two of us." Of course, Kim Richards was absent during all of this. Though I adored her, she just didn't fit in my 6-year-old brain's lovestruck narrative. Sorry, Kim!

I would literally BEG my mom to see it every single time it played in theaters. "Can't we wait for it to be on TV?," she would ask. "NoOOooOOoooOOO! It's better in the MOVIES!," I would whine.

The reason I loved the movie so much is that it's a metaphor to growing up different, which can certainly apply to being gay. The idea that something logical could explain how different I felt completely appealed to me. As did the idea of having authoritative power over bullies, being able to speak to animals, and move objects with one's mind. That was a level of control I found absent in much of my life.

My family never knew about my crush. I came out in high school, only to be utterly and totally ignored. It was as if I hadn't come out, and they still talk to me as if I'm straight. Nowadays, I don't talk to them much.

They figure if they ignore my special gay powers, I won't be dragged off to Mr. Bolt's evil estate, chased by hound dogs. But those of us from the Mountain, we know better. We can see the future.

Dennis - Portland, Oregon
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Akin Loves Eddie Cibrian!

My first gay crush was the very hot Eddie Cibrian!

I was 8 years old when I first saw him, as "Rock" from the film "But I'm A Cheerleader," which also featured RuPaul.

Although the film came out in 1999, I didn't see it until 2003.

And I swear I watched it at least twice a day, every day, for 2 and a half months!

And I specifically anticipated seeing him in the football scene. That's where "Rock" seduces some of the boys at the "True Directions" homosexuality rehab camp, by stroking a rather phallic rake and wearing a sweaty wife-beater tank-top and very tight denim shorts.


And I have never looked at my gardener quite the same since then. Coincidentally, two years ago I dated a boy for a few months who was called Eddie Serbian, and he worked alongside his father as a gardener/pool boy.

I asked my parents to hire them - which was before I came out and revealed that we were dating!

Akin - Bath, Somerset, England
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Dee Loves Jodie Foster!

My first gay girl crush was Jodie Foster!

I loved watching all those movies from the 70's and 80's, many of which featured Jodie Foster or Kristy McNichol.

I liked the fact that they weren't "girlie girls" even though I was at times.

I can't tell you how confused I was then, knowing that they were girls, but that I loved them so much!

It was kind of hard being a black girl and explaining that to oneself. I actually get breathless sometimes now, just thinking back about it.

I never told anyone about my crushes. If my family noticed, they haven't said anything to me about it.
I also loved Wonder Woman, but that's another story.

I'm still coming to terms with my sexuality.
But Jodie and Kristy still get me hot.

Dee - Savannah, Georgie
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Robert Loves Christopher Atkins!

I had my first two gay crushes simultaneously.

I was 8 years old in 1983, and I knew before this time that I liked boys. But when I saw Christopher Atkins in a sexy movie trailer for "A Night In Heaven," I knew this crush wasn't merely an innocent fling.

I clipped the ad out of our newspaper, and kept it hidden under my bed.

I then went outside my house to see if any neighbors had newspapers waiting for the garbageman to pick up. If so, I confiscated them to look for more ads with "A Night In Heaven," to clip and build my collection.

Then I saw an actual article for the movie with a picture of Christopher and co-star Lesley Anne Warren. He was barechested and I got so excited seeing this!

I was afraid of being caught with such hot material, so I didn't keep it. Such a pity!

Aside from Christopher, the other actor who excited me was the blond, hunky, and handsome Ted McGinley. At the time, he was starring on "Happy Days" and I watched the show each week just to catch him.

I think Ted has aged very well now, but I haven't seen a recent photo of Christopher in quite some time. But ever since 1983, all those blond and light-haired men have always rocked my world!

Robert - New Jersey
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Coline Loves Brigitte Bardot!

My first gay crush? The stunning Brigitte Bardot!

I loved her cascade of blond hair, her sweet face, and her beautiful mouth. She represents the women of the 1960's (an era I really love) and of freedom and youth.

She was different than the girls we see on TV or in magazines today. 

She was a natural beauty.

I think I was 14 when I saw her in the movie
"Et Dieu créa la Femme" - and I was hypnotized.

When she was dancing in the movie, I was fascinated. She was just the most beautiful woman I had ever seen, and I wanted to look just like her.



A few months ago at a family dinner, we were all discussing gay-marriage (which is not yet legal in France), and what they said nearly made me cry.

My own family thinks gay people aren't normal. They say it's disgusting to see two men kiss each other. So I think I will never tell them I'm bisexual.

Coline - Saint Etienne, France
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Kevin Loves Justin Timberlake!

My first gay crush was Justin Timberlake.

I was in 8th grade, and I had seen some scenes in movies that intrigued me. 

But JT made it very clear to me that women weren't really going to be a part of my romantic life.

I still have a very vivid memory of the Rolling Stone cover he did when his solo album came out.

And every gay guy around my age knows exactly what I'm talking about!

Much to my delight, he did a whole photo shoot inside, and it was all online for me to secretly view whenever I desired. And being age 13, that was pretty often.

Even when I see a picture of him now, I usually have to drop whatever I'm doing and take a look.

Kevin - Chicago, Illinois
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Scott Loves Dennis Cole!

My first gay crush was 70's TV actor Dennis Cole.

I had lots of crushes back then. I thought Bobby Sherman, Chad Everett, and Lyle Waggoner were awesome. I could go on and on.

But my biggest crush was on Dennis Cole.

I first saw him on the short lived TV show "Bracken's World."

And OMG!
I thought he was THE best looking man alive!

My mom bought me all the teen magazines that had his photos. I remember one feature in particular that showed him getting ready for a date, with a shirtless picture of him in the shower!

I would decoupage his photos on painted wood and stay up all night making Dennis bulletin boards.

Then he did a spread in Playgirl Magazine, and of course I had to have it! This featured another shower picture - and it showed his bare behind! I've since learned that he did a lot of beefcake and nude photography work early in his career.

When he passed away in 2009, all the childhood memories flooded back. Sure, being gay back then wasn't always easy. But there is so much of it that makes me smile. And I certainly wouldn't change anything about my growing up experiences, including my first gay crush.

Scott - Wisconsin
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Amanda Loves Dr. Ariel Hanson!

My first bi crush was CGI, yet very real to me.

It was 2010, and I was very heterosexual. I was also in denial, severely depressed, and spent my time playing video games so I could ignore my feelings. The "StarCraft II" game was coming out soon, so I headed over to the Wiki to look at some things.

And there she was - Dr. Ariel Hanson - an adorable, kindhearted scientist who wanted nothing more than saving her people from invading aliens

At the time, I was caught up in thinking I had no one to take care of me, and my depression and anxiety were eating me from the inside out.

But if such a loving figure could be my friend, or even my... partner? Thinking about her made the negative thoughts stop, at least for a little while.

I denied it at first, but she never left me alone. If my mind was unoccupied, I thought about her. I wrote her name over and over in the margins of my notebooks. I eagerly awaited StarCraft II's release so I could see more than just her pretty face.

All the signs of a lovestruck teenager were there, but I ignored them for as long as I could. Then I came out to myself, and everything got easier.

I've told my mother and a few friends, but that's it. I still play video games, but strictly for enjoyment now.


Ariel's role in the game was disappointing, and I no longer need a coping mechanism. But she will always be special to me, because she set me free.

Amanda - Seattle, Washington
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Michael Loves Rick Springfield!

My first gay crush was the
one and only Rick Springfield.

It was right around 1981, and I was age 11. I fell in love with his hit single "Jessie's Girl"
and then his other hits.

When I saw the back of his album cover with him in a wife-beater (we probably called them tank-tops back then), I SWOONED!

My mom even took me to see him in concert twice!


I had my mom buy me 16 Magazine and others like it, just so I could tear out his photos. In retrospect,
I wonder what my dad thought about the Rick centerfold I had plastered on the wall directly over my bed…?

Michael - Ft. Lauderdale, FL
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Serena Loves Elizabeth Shue!

My first gay crush was actress Elizabeth Shue.

I was around 7 years old, when I first saw her in the movie "Cocktail" in 1988.

Even her character's name (Jordan Mooney) made me swoon.

In the movie, she plays a struggling artist (from an old-money/Upper East Side family, naturally) who we find skipping around Jamaica.

She eventually falls in love with Tom Cruise, who played a bartender. The moment I saw her - I was smitten. And the deal was sealed during the waterfall scene. Ever since then, I've had a thing for her.


I've always kept this crush to myself, but my
ex-girlfriend bears a stunning resemblance to her.

Serena - Los Angeles, CA
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Bill Loves David Stollery!

My first gay crush was actor David Stollery.

"Spin and Marty" was an inclusion in the "Mickey Mouse Club" around 1955.

The setting was a perfect fantasy: A summer camp and a dude ranch with horses.

Spin was masculine, but my crush was on Marty, the blond, boyish, effeminate outcast.

Spin was also from a poor urban family, who "spins" the lasso well. 

So basically, Marty was the femme to Spin's butch, the sissy spoiled rich kid. Gradually, Marty learns to become "one of the guys."

Other guys I've talked to mostly liked the more manly Marty. So this one is still a little embarrassing among my bear friends. 

Everything was basically a secret in my family, including this crush of mine, so keeping this a secret was no problem. I also liked several other boyish, 1950's TV guys, including Dean Jones in "Ensign O'Toole" and Jackie Cooper in "The People’s Choice."

As an actor, David Stollery played several Disney roles, then went to art school and designed cars, including the 1978 Toyota Celica.  

Bill - Eagle Rock, LA CA

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Frederic Loves Johnny Crawford!

I had my first gay crush on actor Johnny Crawford.

I grew up in Iowa, and when I was around 10-years old, my crush was on his character, Mark McCain. And I loved him so much!

Whenever he cried on the "The Rifleman," I just wanted to hug him and kiss him all over.

I loved his pouty mouth, and that sexy, hurt crack in his voice.

This crush on Johnny was part of my secret life, so no one ever knew I loved him until years later when I told gay friends. It turns out, lots of other gay boys loved Mark McCain, too. But I didn't know that at the time.

Besides, back then - Mark was mine alone!

Thanks. Nice website!
Frederic - Phoenix, AZ
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